Like doing Power Rankings in February, or roster predictions in April, making BOLD statements about the season holds as much weight. Here are mine.
10) Vance Joseph is fired week three and the Bears hire him.
9) Von Miller is traded for J.J. Watt and Rob Gronkowski. He will rotate weeks with each team, plus he and Brandon Stokley will teach radio broadcasting in the greater Denver area.
8) Diva E will amass 1,500 yards and thank every player and coach and never mention himself.
7) The Denver radio and TV sports news will go an entire week without mentioning Paxton Lynch’s name in a derogatory way.
6) Derek Wolfe will play all 16 games.
5) Bradley Roby will rip Michael Crabtree’s necklace off three times.
4) Special Teams will be so dominant that Brandon McManus will put his cleat marks on the Walk of Fame in LA. Brock Olivo has nightmares of Tom McMahon getting Coach of the Year.
3) Bradley Chubb and DeMarcus Walker sack Phillip Rivers so many times that he is taken off on a cart due to uncontrollable sobbing.
2) Patrick Mahonnes throws five TDs in both games as Todd Davis allows the most third down conversions in Denver’s history.
1) Chad Kelly and Nick Stevens will be QB’s 1a and 1b. They will rotate throughout the season and both will play in the Super Bowl. Kurt Warner will present them the MVP Trophy and not mention he was undrafted.
Ok, here are my actual way, way waaaaay too early predictions, but are far more realistic. Or not. I have been wrrrrro (that word that means incorrect) a time or two. But who’s counting?
10) Royce Freeman and Devontae Booker become the leading duo. Phillip Lyndsey is put on waivers and then the practice squad.
9) Diva E is traded before week one. DaeSean Hamilton becomes the slot with Courtland Sutton becoming a red zone threat.
8) We end up with 32 passing TDs, Running TDs will be 16.
7) Troy Fumagalli and Jake Butt combine for 12 TDs and 600 yards.
6) Before the season ends, Paxton Lynch will become and stay the starter.
5) We use 6 WRs: Demaryius Thomas, Sutton, Hamilton, Kenny Bell and Carlos Henderson, Isaiah McKenzie. 4 RBs: Booker, Freeman, Williams and Henderson, 4 TEs: Jeff Heuerman, Butt, Fumagalli, Austin Traylor, 10 OL: Garett Bolles, Ron Leary, Matt Paradis, Connor McGovern, Jared Veldheer, Sam Jones, Max Garcia, JJ Dielman ,and Cyrus Kouandjio. 2 QBs: Keenum and Lynch. The question will be Andy Janovich or the 4th TE.
(yes, 4 TEs because I think we’re going to be more physical)
4) Todd Davis is traded before week one because Josey Jewell, Su’a Cravens and Jeff Holland (moved inside) make him unneeded. BMarsh becomes the “greenie”.
3) Defense roster: Peko, Miller, Ray, Walker, Chubb, Shelby Harris, Derek Wolfe, Zack Kerr, Marshall, Cravens, Jewell, Chris Harris, Jr, Roby, Justin Simmons, Darian Stewart, Jamal Carter, Jeff Holland, Clint McDonald, Isaac Yiadom, Marcos Rios, TraMaine Brock and Keishawn Bierria.
2) Denver gets 55 sacks and becomes TheTearFactor™. Miller gets 20.
1) Denver makes the play offs as a wild card.
Stabs in the dark or reading the future? We shall see. If I’m all knowing, I charge $40 an hour. Email your request to: Jules@PsychicMama.com