Over four days we ranked the NFL by region, not division, because we do what we want and gave our own power rankings (click the links if you want to read them separated out). Jason had the West, Graham the mid-west (sorta), Jules the South (of course) and Stu, our bloke from across the pond, had the East. We each ranked the teams in our region from worst to first.
After using our handy dandy scientific calculator, some quantum calculus and a little magic dust, we averaged out where we ranked the teams from each area and boom, we have our power rankings. Many are head scratchers, like the Dolphins as the worst team, but that’s what happens when you have some really good or really bad teams in your region. Our rankings make as much sense as the big boys having New England* at one. Flip off.
32 Jules- The Miami Dolphins may have shamed us, but that doesn’t mean they have their sheeit together. Right now, the men in aqua are swimming up current and going noawheres.
31 Stu- Ravens-With a team of under performers and their best player closer to retirement than a Superbowl appearance, John Harbaugh will need to exploit his very special scouting unit to find him some gems in this year’s draft to be relevant. I can easily see the Ravens finishing bottom of the North and with a top 3 pick next year.
30 Graham-Colts – You can say the Colts are “in Luck”. (See what I did there?) With a new head coach and their former first overall pick Andrew Luck coming back, I imagine Indianapolis having a solid year, especially when they got LUCKY when Josh McDaniels screwed them by saying he will take the head coaching job and changing his tune the day before he was supposed to be introduced in a press conference.
29– Jason-Seattle Seahawks The Sea-chickens have been on a steady decline for a couple years now. They continued to de-value their offensive line, forcing Russell Wilson to run around like…well, like a chicken with its head cut off. They don’t have a running game, they’ll probably lose Jimmy Graham this off-season, and their defense is aging, as well. I predict they’ll be 3rd in the NFC West this season. Oh, and they’re ranked last because SB 48, that’s why.
28 Graham- Bears – Chicago has lost Jay Cutler and replaced him with Mitchell Trubisky, they have a new head coach in Matt Nagy, and a second-year quarterback. It will be interesting to see what the new coaching staff will bring to Chicago, but I think we can all agree that Chicago-style hotdogs are the best thing happening in the Windy City.
27 Stu-NYJ-Top 10 draft pick and a roster with no recognised QB, plus holes across both sides of the ball, the Jets are in full rebuild mode.
26 Jason- Arizona Cardinals Yeah, another NFC West team towards the bottom. There are SO many questions surrounding this team, with a new HC, their starting QB retiring, aging talent on offense in Larry Fitzgerald…Hard to really think that they’ll make a huge splash this upcoming season, and I think they’ll be last in the NFC West. The reason they aren’t last on my list is because: a) Arizona has an amazing stadium that is fun to see a game in; and: b) They didn’t beat us in SB 48.
25 Jules-Tampa Bay Buccaneers entered the season with a good defense and ended it with an empty conch shell. I’m not sure who rampaged and pillaged their team or if Ursula arose from the bay and sucked their talent out, but that franchise needs better coaching and fast. I think Jack Sparrow could do better. I don’t have them last only because my Jaboo wears the godawful pewter.
24 Stu-NYG-With the 2nd pick in the draft, the Giants were awful last year. This was due to multiple season ending injuries to key players like Brandon Marahall, OBJ and Sterling Shepherd just to list the 3 starting WR’s. In a tough division and with an aging QB, this teams hopes will rely on draft prospects plugging in and playing and the health of the squad.
23 Graham-Bengals – Before the 2017-2018 season ended, there was talk about Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis leaving the team. With an overall playoff record of 0-7 and a chance to continue going down that path, it doesn’t look good in Cincinnati. At least they aren’t the Browns, right?
22 Jules-Tennessee Titans just hired one of my favorite coaches in Mike Vrabel. How he does in his first gig as the top dawg, is anyone’s guess. He has a talented roster that’s weak on defense, so that’ll be fixed with him…how he calls games, will be the question. There are two teams in the south I don’t like and it’s the Smurfs and the Smurf IIs, so I hope he fails (sorry, Mike).
21 Jason-Dallas Cowboys I’m fairly convinced that Jerrah Jones is the Devil! But for really reals, what did the Cowboys do last season to think that they’re due to regain their spot in the NFC East. Eagles showed that they may be poised for success for a couple years with their offense and defense, while Cowboys barely showed up last year, what with the Zeke drama and Dak’s regression, plus a lack of defense that allowed Trevor Siemian (Yeah, I KNOW!) to tear them apart. Sure, they’ll probably finish second in NFC East, but they’re worst in my book!
20 Stu-Bills-With Tyrod Taylor looking like he’s moving on from Buffalo after securing a first playoff appearance in almost 20 years, it’s looking like he won’t take a home town discount this time. With a little bit better coaching, a good draft and good free agency, I think the Bills push NE all the way for the AFC East divisional title.
19 Jason-Oakland/Vegas Raiders They’re still in Oakland this season, and they finally have the return of the Great White Hype that they wanted in Gruden coming back to coach this team to mediocrity (as he did previously). However, Carr looked to have seriously taken a step back from his previous years under OC Musgrave (thanks for letting him go, Raiders!), Amari Cooper had a case of the dropsies all year that would make DT blush in envy, and more than likely they’re going to let Broken Chain go test free agency again. And then on defense, sure they have a good front, but their secondary is absolutely atrocious. They are my pick to finish 3rd in the AFC West this year.
18 Graham-Chiefs – After trading quarterback Alex Smith to the Redskins, allowing Patrick Mahomes the chance to start, the Chiefs might or might not be very good, as it takes time for a young player to become comfortable. The best things about Kansas City are their BBQ.
17 Jules-Carolina Panthers are toothless when Newton’s cookie crumbles. Too many teams live and die around their QB and they’re one of them, these cats are losing a life. I could see them bringing up the rear of the NFC South even though I have them above the Bucs.
16 Jules–Washington Redskins became better the minute they traded for Alex because while Smith doesn’t like taking chances, he’s a proven quarterback and his cheaper price tag will allow them to pay for more depth. Can’t have that if your QB wants 27 million or more a year. Not to mention, except for the Eagles, this division is ripe for them to be the wild card. The question is, will someone tie and gag Snyder?
15 Graham- Lions – The Lions now have Matt Patricia, a former New England Patriot, as head coach. Could we see some type of cheating? That is never out of the question when it comes to Patriot employees/former employees. At least they have a solid receiver in Marvin Jones.
14 Jason-LA Chargers Middle of the pack seems fitting for the in-transit Chargers, who still will be playing in a fútbol stadium for a couple more years, and showed very well down the stretch last year after starting out brutally bad. This team will be in the hunt, in my opinion, as long as Phillip Rivers is playing. Now, he’s no spring chicken, so the team MAY need to consider getting someone groomed to replace him. Defense is still stacked and stout, and they have several weapons at WR and RB for Rivers to play with. My prediction? 2nd in AFC West.
13 Stu-Pats-With a record breaking 41 year old QB, a star tight end creating whispers of retirement, along with DC Matt Patricia finally getting a HC job, the Pats might be in trouble this season. The under appreciated defense will come under heavy fire with reloads in all 3 areas required. Could this be the beginning to the end of the Patriots AFC dominance?
12 Stu- Browns-Is this the year the Browns have a winning record? Whether Hue Jackson/Todd Hayley gets AJ McCarron or a top 5 QB in the draft, along with Saquan Barkley round 1 pick 1, the Browns are set to overturn the applecart and spread panic across the AFC. All their young pieces should be set in place now and with Joe Thomas anchoring the O line and Josh Gordon on the outside, I see the Browns pushing for playoffs 2018.
11 Jules-The Atlanta Falcons had their wings clipped when Kyle Shanahan left and have yet to grow them back. When Julio isn’t keeping up with the Jones, you’ve got a red flag alert. Don’t see see this division getting any easier; however, this team still has Devonta Freeman and Matty Ice is no slushy.
10 Graham- Texans – They are in a great position with Deshaun Watson at quarterback and the fact that Brock Osweiler is no longer on the team bodes well for them.
9 Jason-LA Rams This team was a shockingly good story last year. Second year QB Jared Goff turned a LOT of heads with how well he progressed from year one, where many considered him a BUST despite only playing in and starting a handful of games– 0-7 to be exact (Now, where have I heard that before…). So much of that is attributed to rookie and young ‘un Sean McVay, and how he handled and groomed the young QB. Their defense is quite stacked, offense has so many playmakers with Gurley and Kupp coming on strong, and I feel that this team will just continue to grow and perform. Prediction: 1st in NFC West, although it all comes down to the wire with…
8 Jason-San Francisco 49ers I have a feeling that this team will be the darling of the league, much as the Eagles were this last year. They finally have their QB figured out, giving Jimmy G a massive contract already this off-season. John Lynch had to raze this team to the ground, but has a ton of draft capital as well as cap capital, to make a huge splash in both free agency as well as the 2018 NFL Draft. Look to them to win a lot of games (I mean, Garoppolo HAS won every game that he’s started) and make a resurgence in the NFC West this coming year. Prediction: 2nd in NFC West (by a hair).
7 Graham-Packers – Aaron Rodgers will be back next season and the Green Bay Cheese Heads will enjoy another playoff run. Mmmmmm cheeeeeeeese.
6 Stu- If Bell re-signs, the Steelers have the best offense in football despite an aging QB. The defense missed Ryan Shazier and clearly needs a makeover. If they can have a solid free agency and draft, the Steelers could really push hard for the AFC conference game.
5 Jules-2-New Orleans Saints was a Minnesota miracle from the NFCCG. Brees has said he wants to stay there and I believe him. Except for Peyton Manning, old QBs don’t go to new teams and win a ring. If Drew is smart, he takes less in a new contract and let’s them spend the money on more weapons. Balance is the key. Besides, Mardi Gras and shrimp po boys…
4 Graham- Vikings – There might be a quarterback competition in Minnesota, depending on what they do with Case Keenum, Sam Bradford, and Teddy Bridgewater. If they make the wrong choice, their BRIDGE for success could collapse, like their shot at Super Bowl LII.
3 Jules-1-DuuuVaaal. The Big Cats rule the south. It should be no surprise I have the Jacksonville Jaguars at one. A single early whistle kept this team from the SB. That and the defense playing too cocky in the 4th quarter. That’s one lesson they won’t forget and it’ll make them hungry. Jax is a well run 12 piston Jaguar machine, but that division will be a slugfest next year. Can’t wait to see how the young guns pounce back. The only downfall is EverBank Field will now be called TIAA Bank Field. Course it is Duuuval, so saying the Jags will be playing in Tia Bank’s field will give everyone a laugh for years to… come.
2 Stu- Eagles-Superbowl champions, gutsy coach with a fantastic attitude and coaching concepts. From players 1-53 they currently have the best squad. I would not be shocked at another Superbowl visit.
1 Jason-Last, and NEVER the least, the best in the West (That’s number 1 if you didn’t catch my drift): YOUR Denver Broncos WHAAAATTT??? A Broncos fan thinks they’re the best team in the USA West??? Yeah, I know, shocking. But hey, I bleed orange and blue, so does my candy and this is MY list. You want a list, go write your own! I’m predicting a really good season for the Broncos, not all hope is lost. They won’t make a big FA signing at QB, instead choosing to ride the course and see what Paxton Lynch can do with a consistent coaching staff, an OC that believes in him, a ton of weapons on the offense, an o-line that is fixed in FA and draft, and a full season of practicing with the 1st team and actually starting games. Plus, without signing that splashy FA QB, they can afford to retain all of their key pieces on defense and offense as well. Watch out, this team WILL be back. Prediction: 1st in the AFC West!! GO BRONCOS!